“Any more surprises? Before I open the oven and find my Aunt Harriet?” I distinctly remember hearing that line from Christopher Walken’s character, detective Decker, in the video ads for All-American Murder (1991), a direct-to-video thriller that soon became a cult favourite to me for only one scene. That scene is when Walken’s character is introduced twenty minutes in, which is a five minute scene that is the best five minutes in the movie (and maybe in cinema?). Walken swans into a hostage crisis and using a bullhorn in front of a crowd plays on the criminal’s jealousy for his wife (waiting outside) and spouts salacious talk about her (“I never forget a face – not after I’ve sat on it”). I’ve watched that clip on YouTube hundreds of times and it always makes me laugh; it’s on the level of Last Action Hero parody. With the recent Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray release of All-American Murder, which improves the image quality after all the shitty DVD transfers, I decided to finally watch the rest of the movie. It’s basically an average campus mystery with Charlie Schlatter acting like Ferris Bueller (and becoming increasingly wearying with all his one-liners) with occasional murders and flashback sex. The tone is like if Twin Peaks was written by Neil Simon with that type of cute rat-tat-tat dialogue that either feels like a bad sitcom or a bad film noir. For example, the Dean’s wife (played by Joanna Cassidy) talks about how she sleeps around on campus and wisecracks, “I bagged more undergrads than Kent State!” Also stars Josie Bissett pre-Melrose Place as the murder victim and Richard Kind is also a sweaty cop that clashes with Walken’s investigation. So many sappy super-90s rock ballads on the soundtrack – really exhausting in the first thirty minutes where every second scene sounds like a Mentos commercial . Also, this movie makes you remember an era when hipster characters were signified by wearing a black vest and a beret. A very silly and cliche movie but I had a fun time. Streamed it on Tubi. Recommended for Walken. Even when he looks bored, he entertains.
VHS Tracking 