The Sword And The Sorcerer (1982)

Was it a dream or was it a memory? I have this vague recall of being a child and seeing the video cover art for The Sword And The Sorcerer (1982), one of those beautiful painted medieval fantasy posters that carry over the lurid charge of thick paperback novels and comic-books, muscular men with gleaming swords, scantily-clad women, snakes, kings and goblin demons. I also have vivid images of scenes from the climax, maybe, the gleaming crown of the evil king Cromwell (Richard Lynch, wonderfully villainous) and the gloopy make-up effects of the goblin sorcerer Xusia (Richard Moll). Or am I confusing it with all the other fantasy movies made in the wake of Excalibur and Conan The Barbarian’s box office success? With the passing of cult director Albert Pyun near the end of 2022, I was continuing to explore his back catalogue and finally watched his first film, this film, in full. While it never reaches the foggy, brutal delirium of Lucio Fulci’s Conquest, The Sword And The Sorcerer still has great lighting, old-school effects and pulpy style, worthy of its baroque poster. The story itself is a bit confusing and either over-written or under-written, as a kingdom falls thanks to Cromwell reviving the sorcerer Xusia from his grave, only to double-cross him, when he finally claims the throne of Richard. Much like Conan and all these other movies, the boy Talon escapes to avenge his felled mother and father, and grows up to be a sleazy, roguish warrior (Lee Horsely). As an adult, Talon has a troop of loyal soldiers who disappear for a bit of the movie as he agrees to work for Princess Alana (Kathleen Beller); he agrees to rescue Alana’s brother, the true heir, Mikah (Simon MacCorkindale) in exchange for one night together with her. There’s courtroom intrigue, double crosses, prison breaks and crucifixions, all shot through with the derring-do of Star Wars and Raiders Of The Lost Ark. The Sword And The Sorcerer feels like a movie you would catch on TV in the wee morning hours, the twilight time of forgotten movies; aside from Richard Lynch, the only actor I recognised was Frank from Murphy Brown (Joe Regalbuto). In between mountainous location footage and palatial sets, there are striking flame-lit scenes in cavernous dungeons and smoke-machined swamps. I loved the arty shot of our hero Talon jumping in the air to grab his three-blade sword, cast in dark shadows against a backdrop of demonically red lighting, a hero shot that is the stuff that dreams are made of… And yes, there is a three-blade sword that fires like a gun. And I was already loving the climax before they added purple sparks to the hero and villain jousting. It’s adolescent fantasy time, a surprise hit at the box office back in the day, yet nearly forgotten aside from 1980s-era fantasy-heads. Available in glorious remastered versions – you can stream it on Tubi in Australia. Recommended.

Trancers (1984)

Flipping through video store magazines as a kid, I’d come across the occasional straight-to-video sequel advertised in its pages and wonder, “What is this film? There must be fans if they’ve made four or five of these!” It’s like another universe. Trancers (1984), like many a Full Moon production (an outfit I’m not that knowledgable about), has a fair number of sequels. As a low-budget sci-fi movie, it’s basically Blade Runner crossed with The Terminator. A grizzled bounter hunter in 2247, Jack Deth (Tim Thomerson), hunts down “trancers”, which are kind of zombies psychically controlled by a villain, Whistler (Michael Stefani). It’s a bit vague, but this movie clocks in at 77 minutes, so I’m all good with several scenes of exposition being left on the cutting room floor. Deth is tasked with having his consciousness sent back into the body of an ancestor in 1984 to stop Whistler from doing the Back To The Future photograph erasure of the Future Council’s family tree. With the help of a punker department store elf, Leena (Helen Hunt), Deth charges through LA to stop Whistler who is in the body of a plainclothes cop. To many, this might be an average low-budget knock-off sci-fi flick, but I was into its aesthetics, particularly early scenes that feel like recreations of cyberpunk paperback cover art, Deth stalking around in a trench-coat and lighting up a cigarette in the glare of neo-noir neon. In the “present day”, which is where the majority of the film takes place (hey, creating a 2247 futurescape ain’t cheap!), Thomerson and Hunt are both charismatic; Thomerson is tough but also a goofball in his own way, and Hunt is charming enough to make you forget why this person suddenly goes along with this far-fetched plot. They have a good amount of banter, and there’s enough touches of weirdness like a watch that stretches out one second of time to the wearer while everyone’s standing there frozen. Bodies disappear into red zaps of lightning, a Santa Claus becomes an angry zombie, and a sauna turns into a slow death trap. Trancers keeps it moving and I was loving its lo-fi approximation of high scale sci-fi. I don’t know if I’ll catch up with the five or six sequels, but this one is an entertaining rip-off with winning performances. Also, features suitable synth atmospherics by Phil Davies and Mark Ryder. Directed by Charles Band. Available to stream on Tubi. Recommended.

The New Kids (1985)

The New Kids (1985) is a better poster than a movie. Along with the VHS cover to Class Of 1999, this was a poster that I became obsessed with, the teen gang horror vibes, on the level of an illustrated paperback cover, the heightened drama and off-frame implication. The movie itself, which sets its climax at a theme park called Santaland, is very much like that theme park: cheap, rickety and serviceable. It’s still a good time, mainly for fans of teen movies and grimy revenge thrillers. Shannon Presby and Lori Loughlin play brother and sister military brats raised and trained by their loving father Tom Atkins (of Halloween III and Night Of The Creeps fame). I knew the film had me by the opening credits where the trio go for an athletic run set to an inspirational Eighties power rock anthem. Unfortunately, an off-screen tragedy causes Presby and Loughlin to live with their uncle and aunt in Florida, who run a petrol station and a rundown theme park. At high school, they run afoul of a white trash gang of creeps led by a blonde James Spader with a flaky accent and a sneer, rocking an open collar to show off a tight gold chain around his neck, probably giving the most enjoyable over-the-top performance. The ‘new kids’ and the lecherous bullies go back and forth between intimidation and fighting back, until it all ends up in an action climax set at the theme park at night. Directed by Sean S. Cunningham and written by Stephen Gyllenhaal, its functional with bursts of blood and sleaze that push it beyond its TV level flair; you could imagine someone more imaginative and talented like Wes Craven really pushing the teen siblings’ eventual use of the theme park as a weapon against the violent jerks. The other Spader Eighties teen movie Tuff Turf, which almost has the same plot but with him as the out of town hero is probably a better, more fun version of this formula. Available to rent on iTunes.

Psychomania (1973)

The opening credits to Psychomania (1973) aka The Death Wheelers are such a vibe. Helmeted bikers riding around a Stonehenge-type clearing in the mist while droney psychedelic rock plays. This reaches a level of eerie that the remainder of the movie doesn’t quite reach. Still, that’s not a knock, this is an entertaining 1970s British horror-biker movie hybrid. The people making it thought it might have just been a B-movie filler with a kooky plot – a motorcycle gang coming back from the dead – but it has great elements that make it work. Primarily Nicky Henson as the leader, Tom, of the gang that ride through the countryside, terrorising motorists and pedestrians. Henson has got such smarmy, egotistical energy that he’s magnetic; his character is a rebellious Satan-worshipping son from a wealthy home with a mother who’s a medium (Beryl Reid) that believes in witchcraft and psychic practices, supported by their mysterious butler (George Sanders, in his last role). Then there’s the great costumes – the skull and crossbones helmets and jump suits – and the stunts, with plenty of bikes launched off bridges and so on. Finally, there’s the high concept plot, which revolves around Tom’s wish to go to the other side, to make a deal with Satan and come back to life. The trick to immortality? You’ve just got to believe you’ll come back, that’s all! It’s an entertaining mix of folk horror and delinquent bikie gang shenanigans within a provincial UK setting. Along with the Bat Out Of Hell album cover and the Motorhead Killed By Death music video, this features in the ‘motorcycle flying out of a grave’ pantheon. Great midnight movie that I rented at 10pm through MIFF Play as part of the Melbourne International Film Festival. Directed by Don Sharp with a score by John Cameron. Also stars Mary Larkin as Abby, our heroine in danger, Ann Michelle as Jane, the devilish wannabe leader of the gang, and Robert Hardy as the stiff upper lip cop on the case. (You can also find it on YouTube to stream). Recommended.

The Violent Years (1956)

Sometimes you need to skip the Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary and just enjoy an Edward D. Wood Jr scripted exploration of white female teenage juvenile delinquency on its own beautiful merits. This is The Violent Years (1956), which is a remarkable insight into what happens to teenage girls who are not given the right attention by their neglectful parents, who are given wealthy gifts rather than quality time, or as the mother character bemoans at one point, “Expensive dresses instead of caresses”. These unloved teenage outlaws hit the road as a gang, wearing baseball jackets, button-up shirts, and baggy jeans, holding up petrol stations and couples in their cars, kicking back their loot to a high class suburban lady gangster, who then leads them further astray in the profitable businesses of wrecking schools on behalf of communist interests (?)! Led by Jean Moorhead as Paula Parkins, the leader of the gang, who acts prim and proper to her parents while raising hell on the streets (“What do you take me for, a stupe?”, she snarls at one point). Composed of 1950s moralising in sanctifying speeches and riotous, energetic scenes of young women acting tough, I had a ball watching this movie. Scripted by Ed Wood but directed by William Morgan, it’s the type of black-and-white B-movie that would no doubt be an influence or a favourite of John Waters in its teen movie criminal histrionics and wacky plot twists (particularly its unfairly judgemental finale). The American Genre Film Archive (AGFA) organised a quality remastered version of the movie, which can be streamed on Tubi if you’re keen – it’s only 65 minutes. There’s also lots of other AGFA titles on Tubi to explore (Effects, The Zodiac Killer, The Sword And The Claw, etc). Recommended.